Why Connection Comes First When Supporting Children’s Development

Connection: My Word of the Year (and the Heart of Everything I Do)

This year, my word is connection.

Not progress. Not independence. Not “fixing” difficulties.

Connection.

As a children’s occupational therapist, and as a parent, connection sits at the heart of everything I do. Because before a child can learn, cooperate, communicate, or develop new skills, they need to feel safe, seen, and supported.

When we lead with connection, everything else becomes possible.

What Do We Mean by Connection?

Connection is not about being permissive or having no boundaries. It’s about relationships that feel:

• Safe

• Predictable

• Attuned

• Emotionally responsive

Connection is a child knowing:

“You see me. You understand me. You’re here with me.”

When children feel connected to the adults around them, their nervous systems are more settled — and settled nervous systems are ready to learn.

The Nervous System: Why Connection Matters So Much

From a nervous system perspective, children are constantly asking one key question:

“Am I safe?”

When the answer is yes:

• Stress hormones reduce

• The body moves out of survival mode

• The brain becomes open to learning, problem-solving, and skill development

  
  

When the answer is no:

• Fight, flight, or freeze takes over

• Behaviour becomes communication

• Learning shuts down

  
  

This is why connection must come before expectation.

Connection Builds Regulation

Children are not born with the ability to self-regulate — they learn it through relationships.

This happens through:

• Calm, predictable adults

• Co-regulation during big emotions

• Shared joy, play, and laughter

• Feeling understood rather than corrected

  
  

Over time, these repeated experiences help children build their own regulation skills.

Connection Supports Skill Development

Whether a child is working on:

• Dressing

• Feeding

• Transitions

• Attention

• Emotional regulation

• Independence

  
  

Skills develop best within safe, connected relationships.

When children feel pressured, rushed, or misunderstood, they often resist — not because they can’t learn, but because their nervous system is protecting them.

Connection allows us to:

• Reduce power struggles

• Scaffold skills gently

• Support independence without fear

• Meet children where they are

Progress doesn’t come from pushing harder — it comes from feeling supported enough to try.

What Connection Can Look Like in Everyday Moments

Connection doesn’t require extra time, toys, or perfect responses. It lives in the small, everyday moments:

• Getting down to your child’s level

• Following their lead in play

• Narrating what’s happening before transitions

• Validating feelings before problem-solving

• Staying calm when things feel hard

• Choosing curiosity over correction

Sometimes the most powerful support is simply being present.

Connection at The Sensory Submarine

At The Sensory Submarine, connection underpins everything we do — from sensory play sessions to 1:1 occupational therapy support.

We believe:

• Regulation comes before skill

• Relationship comes before routine

• Safety comes before success

When children feel connected, they feel capable. And when they feel capable, development follows.

A Final Thought

If things feel hard right now — behaviour, routines, emotions, or progress — it’s not a sign that you or your child are failing.

It’s often a sign that connection is needed first.

And that is always a powerful place to begin.